it's a ball, and it's a leg. it doesn't fit.

It's totally hard work to even think of them together. It's a headache trying to make them go. The whole thing is a hassle. It's a ball leg.

That's what I thought people were saying when they were actually saying 'ball ache'. To me, it made a kind of strange sense that these two words together should mean 'a hassle'. And I'm not talking like, when I was ten. I mean until four months ago, when one of my more articulate friends clearly said 'ball ache'. Ache, not leg. I had to say to him, bwahahahaahhahaa don't you mean leg? And as I said it, it dawned on me with terrible clarity; of fucking course it's ball ache. That makes so much more sense, you absolute dumbass. Everyone stopped talking, the deathly silence was a wall of accusation. Accusation I had just failed the lowest IQ test, the one they give to flora. And failed. Miserably.
I had to admit to them all that I thought it was ball leg. People had tears running down their face. Someone said something about me putting on pants in the morning. Someone else compared me to Joey in 'Friends', with his Moo Point. (It's a cow's opinion, it doesn't matter. It's moo.) This means the consensus is that I am essentially as much of an imbecile as Joey. And here I was thinking I was so clever. Do you know what else I've been getting wrong? It's a damp squid. In my defense, what the actual fuck is a squib? Also, it's hear hear, not here here. Thank me later, it's brutal out here, this English.

Anyway, just to taunt me, all my friends now say ball leg instead of ball ache. I mean, they say it even if I'm not there, they've stopped making a point of it to take the piss, it's actually just become part of their vernacular.

I need to get new friends.