Dear Monday morning

You absolutely suck. You always come too early, you're never nice when you get here except for a precious few times a year, and you bring all your stupid friends with you who just get in the way of me and my weekend.

I wouldn't mind so much if you were nice on the inside, but you're just filled to the brim with preparations for meetings and shit I don't give a fuck about. Long, boring conversations, which nobody wants to have. Everyone hates you. You should know that. There is not one person who looks forward to you. All your stupid friends can fuck off but some of them are ok. Like your hot friend Friday. Friday is everybody's favourite. People are grateful to their dieties when Friday shows up. Thursday's the wingman, Friday's Goose, but he's pretty hot too. Wednesday is their intellectual yet quirky entertaining friend who's done quite a bit of the work. Tuesday is your stupid friend, nearly as much of an asshole as you are, but has better sleep going for it. 

You, you're just met with trepidation, or just plain defeat. You should be filled with sleep, and napping, and long lunches, with returns to bed in the afternoon. You should be helping me pay off my sleep debt, not taxing me interest on a sleep mortgage i'm already struggling to pay off. Basically, everytime you come around, i am forced to continue hating you, increasing my desire to destory you once and for all. At this stage i have no firm idea how i will bring about your demise. I'm told it will require large amounts of funds. I also have no firm idea how I will acquire such a pile of cash. I am told the only way to attain this is by having long ones of YOU, and many of them, with no respite!! It is morally reprehensible to me that the way to destroy you is to have to endure you. Right now I can only do the interim right now, small rocket launches at you lasting two weeks here, one week there, long weekend here. But with each attack my power to defeat you is diminished and I end up having to face more of you.

I've been told you're not so bad if your filling is enjoyable, but I can't find any jobs where the chief requirements are naps and eating at gastropubs.

So I will continue hating you, Monday. You suck.